I haven’t done any photography for a long time. My neck and shoulders were injured and I could not hold up the camera. Then I injured ankle and balance, so I could not walk to keep up strength, so lung disease made it so just getting to the car was difficult. I have had the grace of having an I phone SE for nearly 2 years. It was FREE! Who knew the disabled financially challenged me would EVER get a cellphone, let alone an Apple Anything?! My computer broke and with it went the photo editing software and all of my image files in a place I could work with them. So, I pouted, I grieved, and I felt sorry for myself. I sucked the joy out of the whole reason I took them in the first place. I’ve been out taking images for grandchildren and friends. I can’t really see in the glass the quality of the pictures, so I am really getting practice letting go of outcomes. YIKES! My mind screams SIN Devastation, Disaster! ha! So, here are some peonies from the phone:
“….live by this rule Leave nothing important unsaid. Intimacy takes courage. Risking getting emotional or upsetting someone so that you can express yourself is scary, but the result is magical.”
“Like all good hustlers, our egos employ crews of ruffians in case we don’t comply with their demands. Anger, blame, and avoidance are the ego’s bouncers. When we get too close to recognizing an experience as an emotional one, these three spring into action. It’s much easier to say, ‘I don’t give a damn,’ than it is to say, ‘I’m hurt.’ The ego likes blaming, finding fault, making excuses, inflicting payback, and lashing out, all of which are ultimate forms of self protection. The ego is also a fan of avoidance–assuring the offender that we’re fine, pretending that it doesn’t matter, that we’re impervious. We adopt a pose of indifference or stoicism, or we deflect with humor or cynicism. Whatever. Who cares?
When the bouncers are successful–when anger, blame, and avoidance push away real hurt, disappointment, or pain–our egos are free to scam all they want. Often the first hustle is putting down and shaming others for their lack of ’emotional control.’ Like all hustlers, the ego is a slick, conniving, and dangerous liar.”
“I wanted a perfect ending…Now I’ve learned the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end…[L]ife is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”
“Using another as a means of satisfaction and security is not love. Love is never security; love is a state in which there is no desire to be secure; it is a state of vulnerability.”
“Why am I here? A moment realized is long gone over, peace comes from those who require not from others.”
I want to thank Kathy’s comment on Morning Trip(12) for the inspiration and the inner push that helped me to move through what I will share. It was a comment back to her about what she said about being wise. (You can find her at Lake Superior Spirit).
The Comment that Became an Inside Upside Down and Backward Blog
Ok, that one has me shy, so…posting something on Wisdom 😉
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All right, this portion is an edit. I got up with my tea after sleeping in a bit and wrestling with things in my sleep (yes again), I came into WordPress as I do and read your comment again, thinking ok now what will I answer to it. I still squirm away from the label wise and wisdom. Perhaps if I chose to wrestle with that concept instead of the one that I am, I might be resting more!
My path through an answer this morning began as a trek through youtube. I wanted to see if a manner of expression which I found acceptable would present itself. I thought about easing my feeling of being vulnerable. I chuckled at myself as I said to myself, “Elisa, people do not often know just how vulnerable you have been by your choices in postings of subjects and the feelings that you express through a matching music choice or image.” At the same time the first video I encountered that felt right was:
The chatter in my head said: “Oh dear lord people will not listen to something Star Wars said!”
The emotional response was: “Ut oh, I have been “screwing up” and that I know how to “get me out”, but that I haven’t been attending seemingly disjointed incoming information to redirect myself.” I also cried, which I dislike and pretend to be cranky about, though it tells me, “Yay, on the right track!”
I was still feeling uncomfortably presenting Yoda for a wisdom response. I continued the search, and found this:
I’ve never seen the movie, nor have I read the book. I swore a lot at it, while other parts of my insides nodded in agreement uttering things like, “Seeeeeeeeeee!”
Next followed the Soupy Sales words of wisdom, that I posted above.
And, lastly, this:
Don’t start your soul out so loud or full out……mmm mmmmmmmm mmmm! What a breakfast!