I’m posting. I am annoyed. Ok I’m not annoyed in general, only about certain things. I am that way, very joyful over one thing or things in general and quite snarky indeed about another. This concept seems a bit difficult for others to grasp, so, I generally do not try to do so.
Back around Thanks for Giving Day, my computer had a nasty illness, at least one virus and all. I freaked out with worry–I can be very good at worry about certain things. The brain and the body have not seemed to have allowed the understanding about how worrying does NO good at all, in relation to these things. Sooooooooo…I have decided to check worrying about worrying that I worry over certain things, and well then I’m still me, and everyone else is much less inclined to want me to be buried in a deep hole (make that soundproof hole) somewhere.
Well, the day after Christmas my lovely son, virused the computer YET AGAIN. (go ahead sigh a few times in identification and commiseration) I kicked myself in the hiney for not having accumulated enough funds for a back up drive for my books and images, but having just been through the worry it seems that my worry quota was filled. The computer is back at the fix it up chappy place. This time, I am feeling very stagnated in the creativity zone. I express quite a LOT of energy in this manner. I suppose one might equate this situation with a daily long distance runner ending up stuck into a wheelchair and unable to use legs for a bit. I know I do. Perhaps this really was what was behind what I labeled worry the first time around and I was so lost that I couldn’t or didn’t, or maybe wouldn’t recognize it.
I hadn’t realized that I had become so comfortable being me, whoever I am, and whatever I wish to express in any given moment. It keeps me honest with myself and with others. It isn’t so much that I always feel comfortable expressing to or with others, however, I can write here feelings and emotions and even actions trying each out for size and watching from a distance making better choices. Ok, maybe not always better choices but for the most part then I’m always clear that I DID see it and make a choice anyway. Parts of me are muttering and wondering if I really had to be that forthright….YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! 🙂
Ha! Now just look I have in some ways thwarted that thwartation of my creativity. Feeling sneaky is FUN!!!
Until next time!
Elisa
Elisa's Spot 