Another Aries Ponder

Sat down hoping to locate a nice quote for being joyfully incorrect. Nothing. Crickets.

Tried the music and sound motivation and located something fantastic to go along with the intent of joyfully incorrect, wrong. Video appeared with Revenge on the opening view. I chuckled and thought how fortuitous this was. Shoved to write my own and FEAR! Now a spiritual eye roll occurred. Haven’t written in a very long time. Streams of running energy and thoughts, how do I do it to please all of you. Ha! Another spiritual eye roll.

Paused a moment and thoughts of Getting to wake up this morning. To suit up and to show up. My plan had me irritated, agitated on such a beautiful morning. I then resented the loss of my idea of what ought to happen. The inner itty-bitty-shitty committee was awake and having a party veering toward the poor me pity party. And then…. I got to see the outcome of what happened instead! Nearly empty store, safer for me, deathly allergic me…who cannot get a COVID vaccine, yet. Got food I needed! Cleaned fridge, meal planned, prepped, portioned, peace and enoughness, before 8 am!

My perception, sometimes I call it a disease of perception, my way is can be full of wrong judgement, wrong thinking, wrong actions. It can lead me into a hot mess, in my mind, quicker then the blink of my eye. No matter, the truth of the situation right there in the midst of all the false, the reactions I have.

It is fantastic to see, in hindsight, the outcomes I sought to control, end up simpler, or better than what I imagined. Even those ones that appear to be OMG you will have Nothing to eat for a week, you will just DIE, can be very, very wrong.

With my old way of thinking, I’d ruminate and fester and weave all of these wrongs I had, into resentment, and plots of revenge. I’d call them fixing situations. Good management. Resiliency around obstacles. HA!!

This morning I got to be JOYFULL about being incorrect. The more I can pause before that resentful and fear-based catastrophizing (think I made up a word) and the longer I can hold the pause to see what happens next before taking a drink of fear and anger and anxiety, the more I can hear my heart beating. I can remember the feeling of grounding and keep it. I can joyfully see the outcome. No need for that revenge.

The music when I listen, I can feel that beat, unfalteringly showing me the way of the grace of that steady pause and trust that It remains. I get to choose to weave resentment and revenge OR I get to choose to weave JOY! What a choice, seems difficult maybe (insert sarcastic tone). Leaping into the joy of experience freer from my clouded thoughts, every day.

Morning Trip (270)

“Boundaries are hard when you want to be liked and when you are a pleaser hellbent on being easy, fun, and flexible….When I do something because I feel pushed, pressured, guilt-tripped, or shamed into it, I expect people to be appreciative in addition to being respectful and professional. Ninety percent of the time they are none of the above. How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?
–Brene Brown, Rising Strong

Morning Trip (264)

“Resentment and anger are emotions that cause your suffering, keeping them alive inside you, draining you of your life force and inner light. Nothing good comes from anger, hate, or resentment. Peace can only come through forgiveness, when you release all that binds you to negativity. Perhaps you need to forgive yourself for placing unrealistic expectations on your situation resulting in a self-sabotaging perception tainted by perfectionism.”

(Look within) “…and see how the lack of forgiveness feeds the” (perception of) “turmoil and suffering around you. Forgiveness is the key to freedom and peace…and it starts with you.”
–Colette Baron-Reid