One Day At A Time, One Moment At A Time

You know? (long pause)

Life feels pretty darn unmanageable. (someone in my head says–you are sober ya goober, try a little thanks)

Oh YES! I am really glad for that and wow, what I am perceiving as life on life’s terms just now would, well I don’t even think there is a word for how much worse it would be, if I were not sober. Thanks God for helping out with that, and thanks for tolerating me kvetching at you, sometimes when you carry me I just can’t see what has been moved out of the way and only the things I view as insurmountable. I try, that bit is a work in progress, still.

Well, this morning the body and the house feel just so out of control. Oh look, that control word. There are all kinds of control and plenty of better words and tools to use so that I can see what I can change, things I can do and so on. I just still grab the word control, the world seems to demand a person has control or a false sense of control. shrugs

I decided to make a list of accomplishments, helps me to see past the spin and overload to help me to notice what I am doing and to provide a solid point of focus. The list is already rather annoying me, damn, I do a ton of little things all at once–efficiency is good, tracking it looks…the way it does 🙂

I got out to the Tree Place yesterday. I haven’t been well so my body is so weak that I can get dizzy just going up or down the stairs once. It is too difficult to attempt to shower and to dress and to go down and then out to the car and so on. Yesterday was bright and sunny, and refreshingly cold. I just went out in the state I was in and drove. I weebled out of the car about 100 feet to the tree. It was worth it. I leaned on it for a bit to rest and I thought I might need help back to the car but…I WON! I realized that going out is life for me and that to remember that being perfect and doing the whole walk and the rituals with it and the prayers is too much for my ability right now. I remember years ago when my brain was not allowing me to walk or talk and muscle control was FUBAR. A simple shift of transferring the anger and sadness at not being able, to the same joy at making it outside the front door to lean on the house and to close my eyes and breathe the air and glory in the sun on my face was amazing!

Today, every step, every motion, is one thing accomplished, one thing that says I AM. One gift from my Creator to see that which is presented to me on a daily basis that falls under, yes, I can do. The song, for now, is probably thinking too large for me, One Day At A Time is more like eating the whole elephant. One bite at a time, one nibble at a time works!

Broken

never attaching is a good excuse and trap for those who fear rejection, who fear or lack an ability to love, truly love not just mirror back what they want in return or simply for their own spirits. attaching and clinging on is just as bad it sucks the life out of everyone it touches. where is God in all of this? it amazes me how many people construct so many reasons or ways of why this and why that to avoid a God they cannot understand. to make themselves God. or to demolish God altogether. those who work in service are human and have needs also. who makes it ok to smile with the hand out to receive but to turn away and make invisible the giver at the first sign of the reality of completing the circuit being whole and giving back

one can analyze all day, things others say, things other teach
one can quote all day, same same result
which party is on the outside looking in then?

i may have more to say later on, i’ll just use the edit button

elisa

Winter in Summer (for needing a little chill)

The Desired Snow--by elisabeth connelley

Just in from mowing a field, I mean a yard. Thank the Lord for showers and cold water! It is so funny to notice today, that for a moment everyone was joyful about Spring, or lack of snow. Then came the rain, beautiful anti-drought rain, and cooler than seasonal temperatures for most. I must admit, that it has been difficult for farmers, but many more than the farmers have been irritated and otherwise about the deluge. SO…we have dry and hot hot heat! People whining all day here…perfect sun, perfect clouds, perfect Summer!

Happily looking at that snow, that for me covers life, and thinking of letting it melt over my body as I watch a crimson sun set against ink black trees on the horizon….mmmmm Perfection!

One Shoot Sunday and A Child–Purple Profundity: Poetry by Elisabeth Connelley

Good Morning! It’s One Shoot Sunday again! The following is quoted to attribute the photographer and the site that supports and encourages The Poetry Challenge of One Shoot Sunday.

‘Tis good to have choices… Fellow artist and One Shoot Sunday alumnus, James Rainsford understands that and has even suggested an excellent picture prompt challenge. So take your pick. Go on, James offers us five photos.

~Dustus

For more examples of James’ art see:
The Sanctum of Sanity
Poems from James’ new collection

A Child
I sit amongst the trees
the breeze
to take
my soul, I rest in unkempt grasses
cushioned among hills of moss
which grows, where
the sun cannot penetrate
the great ceiling of leaves.
The clover stretches endlessly
to one
lying minute
miniscule
yet a part of such a place.
The leaves quiver,
as boughs are waved
hoping to
catch a
glimpse of tiny angel’s eyes,
they peek shyly ’round the limbs
of one so aged and strong
gnarled trunks
holding
secrets known, before
such rancor
did we
the human race display
upon the dirty streets
and smells
rough chemicals
and poisons we disperse
shall please those of a soul
so fell
the mighty aged trunks
and leaning one by one…
Yet wait,
a tiny twinkle far away,
There,
a child, no more than three
flies dancing with the trees
Just in that moment
when,
the sun’s sharp rays come piercing down
through shadows in the wood
Childish laughter
Pelting,
out man’s noise
His arms outspread
and turning ’round
trees spin above his head
A child will free us all
one day
They shall dispel man’s dread.

–by Elisabeth Connelley

Morning Trip (41)–Ok, so this one is an Evening Trip! No, Inside Upside Down and Backward Blog (11)

This came up in the creative bubbles this morning and then some more urgent creations over rode it.  I finished the book I wanted to read and came downstairs to look for Kathy’s trains, over on Lake Superior Spirit.

And now, since I’ve typed some story and some thoughts into it, this has become an Inside Upside Down and Backward Blog.  One that seems to be having a lust/ love affair with the Morning Trip, enough to encourage her to dress up and go out on the town for an Evening Trip.

If we get stuck in labeling, however will we get on, to the good stuffs?

I’ve been waffling in despair.  I have called it feeling sorry for myself.  I have called it being afraid to fail.  I have called it denial.  I have even looked within it and smiled for a teeeeny-tiny moment and called it knowing what feels good and right, and knowing what I want.  And then, I ran me over and called it rationalizing!  Seeeeeeeee…I want a prize for expert label name alternatives!  I am very good at it! I am also good at distraction away from my own ouchie places.  The distraction statement simply leads away from the hot seat to a safer seeming area, which it really is NOT, but YOU(the reader) doesn’t know this!  Maybe my halo-ed weinie costume is an OSTRITCH?!?

Ok so now follows what I was thinking.  I liked the lyrics so much, that I’m simply posting them below the video, rather than getting other supporting ponderish-type materials.  Pre-PS.  I would like ginger candy and white tea with raspberry for treats.

“Sometimes my visions are distant and vague
Down at the base of the mountain
Once in a while I am weak and afraid
Tired and sick of it all

I don’t believe that my story is set
Nothing is destined or blatant
Bound to this body a world full of hate
No one will heed if I fall

No one can see it but you know that it’s there
Guiding the steps of your soul
Holding the truth in the cross that you bear
Die with a heart that is bold

Fly on the wings of despair
No one is holding you back
The call on the wild is internal
Conquer the silence you bear
Tomorrow will not fade to black
A new day is dawning remember
No one can save you today

The questions are more than the answers I know
That doesn’t mean you are lonely
Searching for more
Consecutive goal’s
Making it worth to go on

No one can see it but you know that it’s there
Guiding the steps of your soul
Holding the truth in the cross that you bear
Die with a heart that is bold

Fly on the wings of despair
No one is holding you back
The call on the wild is internal
Conquer the silence you bear
Tomorrow will not fade to black
A new day is dawning remember
No one can save you today

You, and you alone is forging the path
Leave your sorrows with the past

Never believe that the story is set
Nothing is destined or blatant
Bound to this body a world full of hate
No one will heed if you fall

No one can see it but you know that it’s there
Guiding the steps of your soul
Holding the truth in the cross that you bear
Die with a heart that is bold

Fly on the wings of despair
No one is holding you back
The call on the wild is internal
Conquer the silence you bear
Tomorrow will not fade to black
A new day is dawning remember
No one can save you today

Fly on the wings of despair
No one is holding you back
The call on the wild is internal
Conquer the silence you bear
Tomorrow will not fade to black
A new day is dawning remember
No one can save you, no one can save you today“

Morning Trip (19)

“As with events, so is it with thoughts. When I watch that flowing river, which, out of regions I see not, pours for a season its streams into me, I see that I am a pensioner; not a cause, but a surprised spectator of this ethereal water; that I desire and look up, and put myself in the attitude of reception, but from some alien energy the visions come.

Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus. From the mountain you see the mountain. We animate what we can, and we see only what we animate. Nature and books belong to the eyes that see them. It depends on the mood of the man, whether he shall see the sunset or the fine poem. There are always sunsets, and there is always genius; but only a few hours so serene that we can relish nature or criticism.

It is very unhappy, but too late to be helped, the discovery we have made, that we exist. That discovery is called the Fall of Man. Ever afterwards, we suspect our instruments. We have learned that we do not see directly, but mediately, and that we have no means of correcting these colored and distorting lenses which we are, or of computing the amount of their errors. Perhaps these subject-lenses have a creative power; perhaps there are no objects. Once we lived in what we saw; now, the rapaciousness of this new power, which threatens to absorb all things, engages us. Nature, art, persons, letters, religions, — objects, successively tumble in, and God is but one of its ideas. Nature and literature are subjective phenomena; every evil and every good thing is a shadow which we cast.

Thus inevitably does the universe wear our color, and every object fall successively into the subject itself. The subject exists, the subject enlarges; all things sooner or later fall into place. As I am, so I see; use what language we will, we can never say anything but what we are.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Morning Trip (14) or Inside Upside Down and Backward Blog (5)

Good Morning!

I am adding in the beginning since I have come to an end, and realized that what began as a ponder and became the Morning Trip(14) which did not look nor feel like the average Morning Trip and then slid over more into the Inside Upside Down and Backward Blog (5). I could not slight one or the other. So, laughing at myself for feeling ‘wrong’, especially after readers will see the ‘wrong’ topic below, I posted it as both, let the reader simply read and filter and decide–or perhaps not care so very much about headings. Enjoy! I am going to get a cup of tea.

“The bright side of wrong

Our tendency to err is also what makes us smart. Here’s what we’d gain from embracing it

By Kathryn Schulz
June 13, 2010

There are certain things in life that pretty much everyone can be counted on to despise. Bedbugs, say. Back pain. The RMV. Then there’s an experience we find so embarrassing, agonizing, and infuriating that it puts all of those to shame. This is, of course, the experience of being wrong.

Is there anything at once so routine and so loathed as the revelation that we were mistaken? Like the exam that’s returned to us covered in red ink, being wrong makes us cringe and slouch down in our seats. It makes our hearts sink and our dander rise.

Sometimes we hate being wrong because of the consequences. Mistakes can cost us time and money, expose us to danger or inflict harm on others, and erode the trust extended to us by our community. Yet even when we are wrong about completely trivial matters — when we mispronounce a word, mistake our neighbor Emily for our co-worker Anne, make the dinner reservation for Tuesday instead of Thursday — we often respond with embarrassment, irritation, defensiveness, denial, and blame. Deep down, it is wrongness itself that we hate….”
Read the remainder of the article…