Oh. I got up this morning, feeling more physically and mentally able. This was good. I was in the car by 7:00 a.m. I was not even thinking (ok so I was) about not stopping to pray. The object this morning was the light that I wanted on the fields in the center of the Tree Place. An hour of sensory-filled shooting. Ignoring a common malfunction of the camera. Suddenly, a new glitch. I frowned at it, couldn’t get it to go off, so, I pulled out the battery pack to reset it per usual. The camera didn’t tell me no. I took some more shots the ‘normal’ way and then the odd error again. Ut oh! I thought to take out the smaller camera, the one that has served me ever so faithfully and well since 2006. I grabbed a few shots with it and noted it’s own increasing set of malfunctions. I just smiled at it. It was a camera known for the board going in the first six months, mine was only doing it now. I did have a wince of panic at the possibility of losing both cameras at once. Well, I can’t change it. The large camera was just handed over to me, so I’m not out anything but my method of talking back to my Muse. I’ll patiently await discovery of what might ail it. Off to Walmart to see if a simple set of new batteries might take care of the problem. The larger camera didn’t put one file onto the card, not even when the top stated that it was functioning. I did get a few shots from the smaller. It was, and still is, a very pretty morning here. I’m really glad to have had the urge matched with ability to get there.
Sometimes, we need support and it comes from magical places. There are so many things that I teach myself to believe that society expects. Then I convince myself that what I know to be correct, is not correct, and then I am lost and I am hopeless. I love this video and the man to whom I spoke this morning. It reminds me of who I am and what I can do. It frees me to do what works and to use the tools that I know to be effective to help my children. If I share my tools I can bring this joy and release to others. I am so sorry that I allowed me to forget. I do not know how to amend myself and those affected by my error. I can only cry for a minute, grieve for a minute, and stand back up.
Well, here we are again! Giggles at the thought of Deb smiling now.
Lil Miss Mood has been handed the Fear tag.
“Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Angst, Desire, and Agony…
“Why do we bother with the rest of the day, the swale of the afternoon, the sudden dip into evening, then night with his notorious perfumes, his many-pointed stars? This is the best – throwing off the light covers, feet on the cold floor, and buzzing around the house on espresso – maybe a splash of water on the face, a palmful of vitamins – but mostly buzzing around the house on espresso, dictionary and atlas open on the rug, the typewriter waiting for the key of the head, a cello on the radio, and, if necessary, the windows – trees fifty, a hundred years old out there, heavy clouds on the way and the lawn steaming like a horse in the early morning.”
– Billy Collins