Another Aries Ponder

Sat down hoping to locate a nice quote for being joyfully incorrect. Nothing. Crickets.

Tried the music and sound motivation and located something fantastic to go along with the intent of joyfully incorrect, wrong. Video appeared with Revenge on the opening view. I chuckled and thought how fortuitous this was. Shoved to write my own and FEAR! Now a spiritual eye roll occurred. Haven’t written in a very long time. Streams of running energy and thoughts, how do I do it to please all of you. Ha! Another spiritual eye roll.

Paused a moment and thoughts of Getting to wake up this morning. To suit up and to show up. My plan had me irritated, agitated on such a beautiful morning. I then resented the loss of my idea of what ought to happen. The inner itty-bitty-shitty committee was awake and having a party veering toward the poor me pity party. And then…. I got to see the outcome of what happened instead! Nearly empty store, safer for me, deathly allergic me…who cannot get a COVID vaccine, yet. Got food I needed! Cleaned fridge, meal planned, prepped, portioned, peace and enoughness, before 8 am!

My perception, sometimes I call it a disease of perception, my way is can be full of wrong judgement, wrong thinking, wrong actions. It can lead me into a hot mess, in my mind, quicker then the blink of my eye. No matter, the truth of the situation right there in the midst of all the false, the reactions I have.

It is fantastic to see, in hindsight, the outcomes I sought to control, end up simpler, or better than what I imagined. Even those ones that appear to be OMG you will have Nothing to eat for a week, you will just DIE, can be very, very wrong.

With my old way of thinking, I’d ruminate and fester and weave all of these wrongs I had, into resentment, and plots of revenge. I’d call them fixing situations. Good management. Resiliency around obstacles. HA!!

This morning I got to be JOYFULL about being incorrect. The more I can pause before that resentful and fear-based catastrophizing (think I made up a word) and the longer I can hold the pause to see what happens next before taking a drink of fear and anger and anxiety, the more I can hear my heart beating. I can remember the feeling of grounding and keep it. I can joyfully see the outcome. No need for that revenge.

The music when I listen, I can feel that beat, unfalteringly showing me the way of the grace of that steady pause and trust that It remains. I get to choose to weave resentment and revenge OR I get to choose to weave JOY! What a choice, seems difficult maybe (insert sarcastic tone). Leaping into the joy of experience freer from my clouded thoughts, every day.

Morning Trip (336)

“I create my own reality, today and every day
I define my own success and my own limits
I am thankful for this day and this life.”

–This piece is adapted from The Library Book by Susan Orlean

Morning Trip (246)

“God is more glorified by a man who uses the good things of this life in simplicity and with gratitude than by the nervous asceticism of someone who is agitated about every detail of his self-denial….His[the latter’s] struggle for perfection becomes a battle of wits with the Creator who made all things good.”
–Thomas Merton

Morning Trip (210)

“The ability to be spontaneous is granted when we touch something deeply important: a moment of clarity in which we see an eternal truth. We give our truest reactions and utterances when we stand at the moment in question, all previously prepared words and actions suddenly voided in the face of the moment. A spontaneous response results, if only we can trust it. Spontaneity requires us to let go of fear and of continual self observation, to let pass the deeper truths that we have perceived or that have touched a cord in our soul.

Spontaneity is a great gift, and it grows stronger in us the more we attend to the present moment rather than living forever in the past or in the future: both memory and expectation can get in its way and expunge the up flowing revelation. Spontaneity occurs when all our senses are attuned to the present moment, when we see through the veil that usually separates us from the other-world and see its bridging connections coming through to our side of reality.

Spontaneity lifts the ordinary dull rote of existence into life of another order; it is a sparkling touch of revelation that responds to whatever is true, beautiful, and harmonious, giving energy to the living moment.

Meditate upon the dull and unyielding areas of your life. Now temporarily remove the rules, limits, and proscriptions that surround these areas. Allow truthful realizations about the connection between your controlling or limiting behavior and the flow of your life to spontaneously arise, even though these realizations might initially seem frivolous or irrelevant.”
–unknown

Morning Trip (205)

“Keep your passion alive–
it will warm you when the
world around you grows cold.
It will not allow comfortable
familiarity to rob you of that
special glow that comes with
loving deeply. It can lift
you over stone walls of anger
and carry you across vast
deserts of alienation. But its
greatest gift is that of touch–
for passion cannot dwell in
solitude–it thrives best in
loving embrace. So keep your
passion alive–hold one
another as a tree holds the
Earth and your love will
bear the fruit of many,
many seasons.”
–Shamaan Ochaum Climbing Eagle

Morning Trip (192)

“When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn’t long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.”
–Mary Oliver

Enthusiasm and Life On Life’s Terms

“Think on This…
. . . to meet the disturbing factors with as much joyousness as if they were bringing pleasure in the material sight, will alter . . . much in the heart and mind of the seeker. For that which is is a result of the thinking of individuals as related one to another.
Reading 610-1”

Hmm. I remember when I could do this and I could say this and I could really mean it!! I truly lived it. It wasn’t fluffy self-help garbage nor delusion. Today, as I read this in my inbox, part of me said, “YES!, Remember that!?! Yes! Do that!” Another part said, “Oh Bullshit!” It also muttered some choice curses. A part that I think is probably closer to the truth recalled how such things termed heavy now were pretty much the same, though different and I had that Joy, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t as afraid. I wasn’t clinging with my teeth gripped onto a last shred of stability. I am smiling to have shared a few of these views today, out loud. I think that being positive also means sharing how things really are. I think that many of the nudges over the last few days from friends, strangers, and even enemies are my Higher Power nudging me a bit. I notice in my now kvetching to God about fruffy messages and all the hard work I’ve done meaning shit, IS AN ATTEMPT AT COMMUNION with my God. I am at my worst when I am out of that communion. I avoid it as I do not seem able to do it ‘properly’. THIS AVOIDANCE AND PERFECTION are danger signs for me. The invisible police attack and fine me. They tell me not to bother, and that I have other, perhaps better, or worse things to attend. I think God knows what I am screaming inside in frustration and in despair. I also think that I forget to ask. Forget to share–ok avoid sharing that which will seem like a rant, but is truly my real life. I can’t survive pretending it’s ok. I can’t survive by moving back toward the If Only This or That, THEN I will have joy, be ok, be grounded, have balance, find things that please me, fill in the blank.

The joy of seeing the nudges in the things that others write, allow me to borrow them, when I cannot do it myself. They remind me of what I did do, what I CAN do. They provide me with an open window that I cannot notice because I feel trapped inside a ‘house’ where I insist that the doors are all closed. I thank one and all for this sounding spark.