Creating Like a Winter Tree

This morning I am burbling along. This is good! I promise! Well, unless one is the stodgy sort and thinks that being stony is all that there is. But I will just giggle and flow right over that stone. Win win situation!

I haven’t been writing. I have been experiencing things for which there are no words. Or, more likely the expression is ‘stuck’. If I type that I listened to water, you cannot see it and hear it and smell it as I did in that one space. I want to share that moment and I want to take part in those moments of experience of others so that I see and feel the way of another. How do I know that water moving does not trigger energy flowing across ones skin? How do I know the why and how of one who does NOT feel such a thing, but smells it instead. (the energy, not the water itself)

How do I bypass a judgement of sorts, one of feeling sorry for those who cannot experience as I do? Are they missing something? Am I bored with simple and flat? Why? How can the other not seek these things out? Not notice what I term dead? Is it right of me to term it dead? Can a person’s spirit miss what it does not know what it has?
How will I know if I do not ask? Try on another skin? How do I get past this? I can tend to feel trapped or bored, I think, within a not-feeling, not expressing. How do I know when there is truly a nothing there? How will I notice those things outside of my own experience? I am quite sure that is a sure bet–that I am and will miss them too!

And then, the trees! (You thought I was off on an excited expressive tangent and that I hadn’t clearly pointed out the blogs relation to the title didn’t you?) I detest winter. still. shrugs.

The trees often do not even talk in the wind. Though, I did notice it this year, it just has a different tone and I have to shift state a bit to get it clearly. They are just there. One cannot tell which tree is dead and which will be in full leaf come spring and summer. Yesterday waaaaaaaaay up the trees were talking! And I listened and I had to reach because these were so tall and it was faint and I got there and…

Glorious purple buds!!! Glorious chartreuse buds!! I could seeeeeeeee the life with my eyes!!! I needed proof about this thing, in this way! This allowed me to notice tiny life alllllll around. A key in my lock! And I thought of ‘those people’ that I frown at for needing proof. Five steps back for every one forward. AND I AM ONE OF THEM!!! This made me very very happy! I can understand! Now, will it stick for longer than a minute (the other end of this issue, the stick of concept and experience long past an AH HA moment)

So, off I go to experience!

Creating Creation

This morning, I was still or yet again, in what I have decided to term a funk. I am also going to point out that a funk for me can be a depression, a dealing with life on life’s terms that feels heavy without freedom and expression of my simultaneous joys. It can also be a place where my head is very full of things, that do not seem to congeal into one coherent story. A brain full of fragments. I think everyone has fragments, but a funk comes for me when the fragments have weight and meaning, appear to conflict, and come to no conclusions as to actions to be taken. How long can one sit, not reacting, before one gets stuck?

So, Kathy’s blogs “When intentions ‘fail’ perhaps something else ‘succeeds’ and “Rant” , yet again, used some of the words for the concepts and feelings of the fragments in my head.

I typed a LOT in the comments of the two blogs. I fretted over Kathy possibly feeling that I had run over her blog. I fretted over why I cannot(have not been able) to just write my own blog in response. I told myself that Kathy can speak up, delete comments and so on a so forth. I got distracted in this thinking by the feeling of creation.

I have been smelling pumpkin pie cooking for two days. I avoided making pie, crust is messy. I thought of the warmth of the kitchen and the scent of ‘home’ that permeates the house when I bake. I followed the scent of baking bread. I am NOT making bread!(I said that loudly to myself.) I thought of cinnamon, cloves, vanilla, and cedar simmering on the stove. OOOOO I can do that!

Then I thought that if I just wiped the counters. Put some things away. Created a clean slate. I made a simple list, without expectation of getting any of it done today, just the step of noticing the items was enough. My brain began to gather around my writing pink pen and said oh dear don’t write that down, it’s too simple just take action! So, I did.

I have cleaned things, which weren’t so messy as my eyes were seeing. I am working on the cooking. I am focusing on how the ingredients feel in my fingers, thanking them for providing grounding input for my overdone system. I am very glad my fingers like to feel and to create images and feelings. This overrides the fragments. This provides structure and value for me. I am starting to feel anxious again as I type, so I’m going to go off now and continue creating. Thank you, friend Kathy!