“Our awareness is overwhelmed by hundreds of different thoughts, feelings and sensations. Some we latch onto because they’re attractive fantasies or scary preoccupations; some we try to shove away because they’re too upsetting or because they distract us from whatever we’re trying to accomplish at the moment. Instead of focusing on some of them and pushing away others, though, just look at them as feathers flying in the wind. The wind is your awareness, your inborn openness and clarity. Feathers — the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that pass through our awareness — are harmless. Some may be more attractive than others, some less attractive; but essentially they’re just feathers. Look at them as fuzzy, curly things floating through the air.”
I am having a moment where I care what ‘people’ might think of me. Yes, I typed that. Sigh. If you could see me, you’d note the rolling of my eyes at myself. You would also note that I had my own frying pan in my hand and that if my shoulder would cooperate, that I’d be beating me with it. I’ve been really creatively busy. But not in a way, that I feel, or that I know how to share and I have sort-of fallen off of the social map.
I’ve been clearing things from the house. I’ve been noting the value of things. I’ve been noting my reactions to these, and other things, and rather deciding if it might be time to choose. I haven’t decided WHAT yet, but perhaps simply noticing choices might be a start. I redid my living room entirely for well under $200 dollars. I probably spent too much. It looks AND it feels amazing and I really like to sit in it now. Sometimes I have to move things about so that I can feel if the shui is still optimal, or to get that proof that I seem to like. (yes, all those who have had a lecture from me about NOT needing to need proof can laugh or smirk or uhm something now.)
I’ve been spending lots of time reading and re-reading. I think that I had well over 500 hundred books! I was still bringing in more from the library. I really LOVE to read. Well, instead of trying to purchase another book shelf, I marked the keepers and I donated the rest to the county library. They added an AP English section for both courses to the Teen/Tween section with the related literature. I am really pleased with this. They added Young Adult series and rounded out others, ones there were missing books. I am glad that they went to good use!
I’ve been working on images and files. I’ve been listening to everything on Media Player and deleting items that do not feel good to me. I feel, on the inside a lot like one of those mixed up slide puzzles. I realized that I’ve been doing a lot of IF ONLY thinking and acting, particularly that I will do things that feel good and right to me, if only life would calm down blah blah. I have to look at that concept and glare. There are just so many things in life that we are taught or that we accept that need to come first–take out the we and put I. Sometimes it is truly hard for me to tell which is which and when will the world run just fine without me–leaving me to do the next right thing. It’s been hard too, for me not to see the ‘right’ things as maybe escaping reality. I think, that experience has told me that each choice in life runs on a continuum. There can be extremes anywhere that I can put them, and then act upon them. I am hosing me off so that I can feel the energy of anxiety separated from the neeeeeeeed, the energetic need and desire that is juuuuuust right. It is so simple to do and yet, when I am feeling buried or when I ignore that energy for such a long time, I allow me to think that I might be confused. I might really BE confused, but there are steps that I can take that are grounding, that are healthy, that replace reacting, with routine. There is that amazing switch that replaces all of that spin. If I choose it. Sometimes it’s all too big seeming, and then I have the gift of recalling to just choose little things. One thing at a time.
So, the rain is dripping, the house is warm, the cookie ingredients are measured out on the counter, and a nice warm shower awaits.
Here’s hoping that you find enjoyment in your own next right thing!
I got up early.
I looked at my hair.
I pulled on a pair of shorts.
The body said that it was up to some.
The head laughed in joy and at the intoned limits of the body.
It was agreed the drive would be made to the Tree Place.
the entire idea of some, in the head today, so far
smiling at the puzzle recognition of energy
the one that begins automatic restructure
treatment for the lungs
anxiety and spin
tell the brain to fret
and also to spin
signal of the mooring
more than anger or regret
not to grasp
a steady marker
a hold at core
observe the body and mind
for the notice of the beacon
to the next, last, gift provided
“The tricky thing about rumination is that it feels like it’s helpful, but there’s no action taken, and you don’t move forward to some sort of solution.”
“Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to StopRuminating is like a record that’s stuck and keeps repeating the same lyrics. It’s replaying an argument with a friend in your mind. It’s retracing past mistakes.
When people ruminate, they over-think or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships.
Research has shown that rumination is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, binge-drinking and binge-eating.
Why does rumination lead to such harmful results?
For some people, drinking or binge-eating becomes a way to cope with life and drown out their ruminations, according to Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D, a psychologist and professor at Yale University.
Not surprisingly, ruminating conjures up more negative thoughts. It becomes a cycle.
Nolen-Hoeksema’s research has found that “when people ruminate while they are in depressed mood, they remember more negative things that happened to them in the past, they interpret situations in their current lives more negatively, and they are more hopeless about the future.”
Rumination also becomes the fast track to feeling helpless. Specifically, it paralyzes your problem-solving skills. You become so preoccupied with the problem that you’re unable to push past the cycle of negative thoughts.
It can even turn people away. “When people ruminate for an extended time, their family members and friends become frustrated and may pull away their support,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.
Why People Ruminate
Some ruminators may simply have more stress in their lives which preoccupies them, Nolen-Hoeksema noted. For others, it may be an issue of cognition. “Some people prone to ruminate have basic problems pushing things out of consciousness once they get there,” she said.
Women seem to ruminate more than men, said Nolen-Hoeksema, who’s also author of Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. Why? Part of the reason is that women tend to be more concerned about their relationships.
As Nolen-Hoeksema observed, “interpersonal relationships are great fuel for rumination,” and ambiguities abound in relationships. “You can never really know what people think of you or whether they will be faithful and true.”
How To Reduce Rumination
According to Nolen-Hoeksema, there are essentially two steps to stop or minimize rumination.
1. Engage in activities that foster positive thoughts. “You need to engage in activities that can fill your mind with other thoughts, preferably positive thoughts,” she said.
That could be anything from a favorite physical activity to a hobby to meditation to prayer. “The main thing is to get your mind off your ruminations for a time so they die out and don’t have a grip on your mind,” she advised.
2. Problem-solve. People who ruminate not only replay situations in their head, they also focus on abstract questions, such as, “Why do these things happen to me?” and “What’s wrong with me that I can’t cope?” Nolen-Hoeksema said.
Even if they consider solving the situation, they conclude that “there is nothing they can do about it.”
Instead, when you can think clearly, “identify at least one concrete thing you could do to overcome the problem(s) you are ruminating about.” For instance, if you’re uneasy about a situation at work, commit to calling a close friend so you can brainstorm solutions.
Nolen-Hoeksema has also studied the opposite of rumination: adaptive self-reflection. When people practice adaptive self-reflection, they focus on the concrete parts of a situation and the improvements they can make.
For instance, a person may wonder, “What exactly did my boss say to me that upset me so much yesterday?” and then come up with, “I could ask my boss to talk with me about how I could get a better performance evaluation,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.
Do you tend to ruminate?
What has helped to reduce your ruminating ways?”
The thing with this is, due to true experience, I can smell it sooner. This is good. This is also bad, reacting, while it can save my life, can also have me seeing zebras when all that is present is white and black. Maybe this is all still me on the inside when I am screaming and I think that expression is making it to the outside and being erased, I am wrong. Sometimes keeping my side of the street clean looks a LOT like giving others excuses for their own behavior, a lot like enabling abuse. I wish for strong people around me who can handle when I need to blow up and use music to speak more loudly for me and to forgive me when I am mistaken.
I wonder how many times someone makes a choice to give up a thing they wish to express to me because they do not wish to weigh upon me. I am quite sure that it happens. The thought makes me glad and full of sorrow at once that I might inflict what has me feeling like nothing, upon another who is giving me the gift of them.
I wonder if this too, is just life. If the process isn’t to an end, how is there balance? I’ll be rather angry and laugh if the answer is like what I hear in my head. It’s like the law of large numbers.
I REALLY HATE BEING INVISIBLE. and yet, I really like being invisible. If I cannot work that out, how the hell can I expect someone else to do so. Bad, bad form Elisa!