I had all sorts of creative expressions and ideas this morning. I felt productive all day. Until, I spent the last two hours being told that neurology won’t treat my daughter anymore and to go to psychiatry, who won’t treat her due to the nuerology. Psychotic? Jail? No worries NO ONE will treat her yay NOT. TWO HOURS hopeless and despair, people getting huge salaries to not treat anyone. All of this was before I added in the type of insurance we have and the carveout to stoneaged incompetents even if we could be seen.
What does this mean? It means I am resentful that another of my days is consumed with crap. It means that it comes first even after the beautiful day and productive morning. So, let me see. My inner honest/snark, as snark it is often called when a person isn’t pretty but honest instead, thinks that another part of Walktober is not to share only coping skills, only honest moments of joy, but the entire package. To share what is real every day as I walk through my day.
I told me to go on and to cook supper while I cannot calm the inner shaking quivering tempest. I did. I made the buttermilk fried chicken and then, I thought it best to take a few more moments, thaw some fish and do those too ahead for another day. The dishes are done thrice and the rice is ready.
Here. have a picture from yesterday’s real walk (yes we are still stuck on the word ‘real’) at the Tree Place yesterday after my first post.
It is just a weed, but gosh it is perfect and it is beautiful and it takes my breath away to see it and to wonder about all its parts and its order in the universe and how each part that is beauty to me is mere service to it and to the things in the habitat near to it.
I walked through my morning readings, I got my meds and breathing treatment in and a first cup of tea. I smudged and used my candle. The morning went smoothly. The inner upset were waiting for the bad bits or to be startled into fight or flight mode. They were able to attend the readings. I think that I will make a bookmark that has a note to myself. Your treatments make you shake like using a jackhammer you are not anxious there is nothing to fix. I had a shower. I did my lower back and shoulder exercises and did some for my legs. I went to the tree place and was able to happily complete a very tiny bit of energy work. I have had a resentment about not doing that the way I like too. I keep telling me that I can’t do it when I am so angry and afraid. (this is partly a lie) I keep telling me to shut up and keep it simple breathe and admire…which will lead to grounding. I was able to get there for a short while, before the fix it police decided I was calm enough to tackle phone calls to psychiatry places. HA!
Here have another image, I need one anyway!
I didn’t eat a bag of snacks today. I initiated and followed through to the best of my known ability on actions that I view as horrid. The house is calm and I am eating my own dinner. I have a window to read some of the excellent inter-library loan materials that came for me yesterday. I am going to revert to another thing that I used to have to use to help myself. Dear E, you have done everything that you could today to be healthy, to take care of the body and the mind and the spirit. You have taken one thing at a time. It is now time to stop for the day. All offices and businesses are closed and thus, your shift is over. Think of something balanced and healthy that you enjoy and go do that for at least 20 minutes. Love The GC
Look at all of those tiny things that make up a whole (thing, day, fill in the blank)
PSST! Unsure of how Robin wishes the links to the Walktober Project so,