I am having a moment where I care what ‘people’ might think of me. Yes, I typed that. Sigh. If you could see me, you’d note the rolling of my eyes at myself. You would also note that I had my own frying pan in my hand and that if my shoulder would cooperate, that I’d be beating me with it. I’ve been really creatively busy. But not in a way, that I feel, or that I know how to share and I have sort-of fallen off of the social map.
I’ve been clearing things from the house. I’ve been noting the value of things. I’ve been noting my reactions to these, and other things, and rather deciding if it might be time to choose. I haven’t decided WHAT yet, but perhaps simply noticing choices might be a start. I redid my living room entirely for well under $200 dollars. I probably spent too much. It looks AND it feels amazing and I really like to sit in it now. Sometimes I have to move things about so that I can feel if the shui is still optimal, or to get that proof that I seem to like. (yes, all those who have had a lecture from me about NOT needing to need proof can laugh or smirk or uhm something now.)
I’ve been spending lots of time reading and re-reading. I think that I had well over 500 hundred books! I was still bringing in more from the library. I really LOVE to read. Well, instead of trying to purchase another book shelf, I marked the keepers and I donated the rest to the county library. They added an AP English section for both courses to the Teen/Tween section with the related literature. I am really pleased with this. They added Young Adult series and rounded out others, ones there were missing books. I am glad that they went to good use!
I’ve been working on images and files. I’ve been listening to everything on Media Player and deleting items that do not feel good to me. I feel, on the inside a lot like one of those mixed up slide puzzles. I realized that I’ve been doing a lot of IF ONLY thinking and acting, particularly that I will do things that feel good and right to me, if only life would calm down blah blah. I have to look at that concept and glare. There are just so many things in life that we are taught or that we accept that need to come first–take out the we and put I. Sometimes it is truly hard for me to tell which is which and when will the world run just fine without me–leaving me to do the next right thing. It’s been hard too, for me not to see the ‘right’ things as maybe escaping reality. I think, that experience has told me that each choice in life runs on a continuum. There can be extremes anywhere that I can put them, and then act upon them. I am hosing me off so that I can feel the energy of anxiety separated from the neeeeeeeed, the energetic need and desire that is juuuuuust right. It is so simple to do and yet, when I am feeling buried or when I ignore that energy for such a long time, I allow me to think that I might be confused. I might really BE confused, but there are steps that I can take that are grounding, that are healthy, that replace reacting, with routine. There is that amazing switch that replaces all of that spin. If I choose it. Sometimes it’s all too big seeming, and then I have the gift of recalling to just choose little things. One thing at a time.
So, the rain is dripping, the house is warm, the cookie ingredients are measured out on the counter, and a nice warm shower awaits.
Here’s hoping that you find enjoyment in your own next right thing!